Being assertive means expressing your thoughts and opinions directly while also showing respect, for others. When you communicate assertively it can bring benefits, such as reducing conflicts, managing anger having your needs met effectively and building positive relationships with friends, family and others.
However many people find it challenging to put assertiveness into practice because they're unsure about its meaning. To clarify this lets start by understanding what assertiveness is not.
Assertive communication is defined as the ability to speak and interact in a way that acknowledges and respects the rights and perspectives of others while also standing up for your rights, needs and personal boundaries (Pipas & Jaradat 2010). It is a way to express disagreement without being confrontational or aggressive, towards a situation or idea. According to Pipas and Jaradat (2010) assertive individuals have the ability to honestly and eloquently advocate for their rights or the rights of others. By doing they can effectively reduce conflicts while maintaining respect, for others.
Being assertive entails actions such as refusing demands ("No I will not lend you money again") initiating, continuing or concluding conversations ("I would like to discuss my compensation with you") requesting assistance ("Could you please help me change my tire?") and expressing both negative emotions ("It hurts my feelings when you speak to me that way"; Pipas & Jaradat 2010). In general assertive communication takes on forms. Occurs in various situations. However its main objective is to achieve goals without causing confrontations or jeopardizing relationships.
Here are nine characteristics of a communication style based on the works of Pipas and Jaradat (2010) well as Bishop (2013);
Maintaining eye contact demonstrates strength and lack of intimidation. Adopting a stance or posture that strikes a balance, between strength and casualness. For instance standing upright may be seen as aggressive while slouching may be perceived as weak. The tone of your voice matters. Being assertive is important. Getting aggressive and raising your voice can lead to anger. Your facial expressions play a role too. It's essential to have expressions that don't convey anger or anxiety to ensure communication. Timing is key when it comes to communication. It's important to choose the moment, for making requests as asking something from your spouse in the middle of a dinner party might not be well received.
Use language that is non threatening and non blaming. For instance saying something like "If you keep doing that you'll regret it!" comes across as threatening than Clarity in communication is vital. For example saying "Can you please not be like that?" is vague whereas saying "Can you please stay and talk of walking " clearly expresses the speakers needs. Opt for language whenever. Making requests like "Will you stop leaving your papers over the house?" tends to be less effective than using a positive approach such, as "I've set up a divider here for your papers; could you please use it?" Avoid criticizing yourself or others in your language choices. For instance when someone says "I understand that I might be overly sensitive. Could you please refrain from using that word?" or "Hasn't anyone ever taught you manners?" they are expressing criticism rather, than asserting a point.